8 INSANE BASEBALL RECORDS THAT WILL NEVER GET BROKEN

 

Wow, you’re really going to be a hit at the bar when you rattle off these insane baseball records. By the bar, I mean the one you go to and hang out with your friends and watch sports all night. Not the one you go to looking for chicks, only to order one drink, devour a bowl of that snack mix that’s entirely too salty and return home within the hour.

The guys will appreciate your baseball knowledge. Just not those women at the bar, or the ones avoiding you at the office and because it’s written all over your face you’re going to ask them out. Yeah, it’s that obvious, and quit using your tie as a napkin — at least when you’re eating in a lunchroom with 40 other people. On to the insane baseball records.

8. 2 Grand Slams in One Inning

Fernando Tatis is the only Major Leaguer to accomplish the feat of hitting two grand slams in one inning, jacking those bombs off Chan Ho Park back in 1999. Tatis killed two birds with one stone recently when he reminded us all of his amazing feat and ripped the Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos in one mean Tweet:

7. 680 Innings Pitched in One Season

These days it’s an accomplishment to throw 200 innings in a season. If you can handle that workload, you’re likely taking home a salary of about $6 million. If you’ve done it a bunch of times, you might earn about $13 to $16 million per season and get a long-term deal in the process.

But back in the day, a dude named Will White threw 680 innings in one season. You heard me. 6-8-0. Of course that was back in 1879, when men were men. Boxers fought for 100+ rounds. They rode horses for miles and miles. They were all Deadwood-y and rubbed dirt on broken bones, nothing like the divas that have to ice their arms for four days before they go throw 5 1/3 innings on the fifth.

White started 75 games that season and completed all 75. The Atlanta Braves had one of the best pitching staffs last season. They totaled all of one complete game. Old school is where it’s at. I’m sleeping outside tonight, and I’m going to start planting stuff in the morning. Which app should I use to help me with that?

6. Four Consecutive Home Runs Allowed

This might even be be a difficult task for a batting practice pitcher, but giving up four bombs in a row has happened three times in a major league game. Dave Bush was the last to do it back in 2010. Adam LaRoche hit the first bomb, followed by Miguel Montero, Mark Reynolds and Stephen Drew.

You’re probably laughing at Dave Bush right now, thinking how he must have sucked. Dave Bush made about $14 million in his career. That’s a smirk-eraser right there.

Things weren’t always better in the old days. I think the gloves were made out of cow dung and leaves, and the fields were made of cement and littered with rocks and dead animal carcasses. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for Herman Long’s 122 errors in 1889. Billy Shindle matched that number in 1890.

I can hear the manager in the postgame chat. “Game ball to Hermie today. Just one error for the entire game!” Then the team yelled Huzzah or something. And spit.

  

4. Three Hits in One Inning

Getting three hits in one inning seems like an impossibility. Your team has to bat around twice, you have to get to the dish three times and then get hits in each of those at-bats. The odds? I don’t have an exact number but something along the lines of Cubs winning the World Series. But it has been done three times in MLB history, with Johnny Damon the last player to get it done. Damon did it with the Red Sox in a 2003 game against the Marlins, getting three hits off three different pitchers.

Damon led off the bottom of the first with a double off Carl Pavano. He tripled in his next at-bat off Michael Tejera. In his next at-bat he singled off Allen Levrault, who sounds more like a goalie than a pitcher. The fun would have kept going but Bill Mueller got thrown out at home on Damon’s single. They scored 14 in the inning and won 25-8. Damon finished with five hits and a sweet piece of history.

3. Granny Left, Granny Right

Speaking of Mueller, he may spoil near-historic innings by getting nailed at the plate, but just a month after that game he pulled off a feat never done before or since in MLB: hitting a grand slam from both sides of the plate in one game.

Mueller first slammed right-handed off Aaron Fultz in the 7th inning. He came up in the 8th and slammed again, this time left-handed off Jay Powell. Oh, and Mueller also hit a solo shot of R.A. Dickey to start the 3rd inning. He finished the day going 3-5 with three home runs and nine RBI.

2. Back-to-Back Jacks Madness

Another rare record is back to back home runs by the same teammates in the same inning. The odds? Something like Lions winning the Super Bowl. But Mike Cameron and Bret Boone did it in 2002 when they played for the Mariners against the White Sox.

Ichiro got plunked on the very first pitch of the game. Boone homered on the second. Cameron homered next. The M’s batted around and Boone jacked another homer, with Ichiro scoring again. Then Cameron hit his second of the inning. They did it off two different pitchers — Jon Rauch, a righty and Jim Parque, a lefty.

Cameron ate his Wheaties — or something tasty — that morning. He then homered in the third inning and the fifth, finishing the day with four solo home runs.

1. Four time batted for to 2play in one game

Victor Martinez has had a long and successful major league career. The sweet-swinging, switch-hitter will be playing in his 12th season this year. While Martinez has hit for power and average, no one would ever accuse him of being fleet of foot. That caught up to him one fateful day in 2011, his first year with the Detroit Tigers.

Playing DH and batting fifth in a September game against the Twins, Martinez hit into four double plays, something only done twice before in major league history. Let’s give him a bit of a break though — only the first three were off ground balls. In his last at-bat he lined out and Miggy Cabrera got doubled up.

It didn’t really matter as the Tigers won 2-1, notching their ninth straight win, a streak they would ride to 12 games.

Text: via Matt Lo Casio