10 Things You Don’t Know About Adultery

What is adultery anyway? The legal definition is a husband or wife forsaking their marriage vows by having sexual relations with someone other than their spouse. But did you know that in 23 states adultery is actually against the law? In Oklahoma, it’s a felony and can result in jail time. In Maryland, it can result in a $10 fine, according to Tim Murphy in Mother Jones magazine. “It's also prohibited by the Uniform Code of Military Justice,” he notes, pointing out that today “state-level adultery provisions are rarely, if ever, enforced.”



The biggest reason for cheating is a lack of emotional connection or feeling appreciated by their partner. according to relationship therapist Bree Maresca-Kramer. Quoted by the folks at eHarmony, she says trouble often starts when a couple stops meeting each other's needs, no longer talk about things that matter or get distracted by daily schedules, work or business. "They stop trying. It almost becomes a business relationship."


Men are better than women at detecting a cheater. “Statistically, men do better than women at detecting infidelity in their partner,” write the experts at AskMen. “but this could stem from the basic insecurity men have inevitably faced in the battle of the sexes before the discovery of DNA and paternity tests: How could a man know for certain that his spouse was carrying his child? This has been programmed into our genetic code for thousands of years, it's nothing a handful of decades worth of knowledge about DNA could hope to reverse. Throw in unhealthy doses of jealousy and suspicion, and men aree almost assured of being better cheating-detectors.”


Women are more likely to cheat during ovulation. “She feels sexier,” write the experts at AskMen. “She may dress more provocatively — in tighter clothes or fewer clothes — than at another time of the month. In an evolutionary scheme this makes good sense: In an effort to propagate the species, she's at her most fertile and flirtatious at the very same time. But shouldn't this instinct shut down when the woman is in a relationship? Of course not; her genetic code has no idea she's in a relationship, has no idea what that wedding ring means. In fact, results from a University of New Mexico study published in the esteemed Proceedings of the Royal Society suggest a strong link between ovulation and a heightened interest in men other than her spouse.



June, July, and August are prime time for cheating men. “Infidelity increases to an all time high during the summer months,” reports Examiner.com. “For many married men and other men in committed relationships, this infidelity takes the form of summer flings.” Why? “In the summertime,” writes Ruth Houston, “it’s easier for cheating husbands and boyfriends to initiate a quick fling, or a short-term love affair, because summer offers more opportunities to stray. As a result, certain types of men view summer infidelity as a kind of “warm weather sport.”


Statistically, the following personality types are more likely to cheat, say the people at eHarmony, 1) people who crave excitement and drama, 2) those with a family history of divorce, 3) people who were sexually abused, and 4) those who have psychological problems such depression or bipolar disorder.


Men and women are unfaithful for different reasons. Men generally cheat because there’s an opportunity to do so. Relationship therapist Gary Neuman writes in his new book The Truth About Cheating, 88 percent of men surveyed said the women they had affairs with were not better looking or in better shape than their partners. According to a number of clinicians who treat couples, a man's infidelity isn't necessarily an indication of his unhappiness in the relationship. Clinical psychologist Dr. Joyce Hamilton Berry told author Lynn Noment, "I compare male infidelity to a man walking into the kitchen and seeing a chocolate cake sitting on the counter. It looks good; it smells good. He is not hungry, but he will eat the cake anyway. In other words, men sometimes cheat when they see a woman who is attractive and appears to be interested, and even though there is nothing lacking in their marital relationships, they initiate affairs anyway."



The reason women cheat is substantially more complicated. When they cheat, it is almost invariably an indication of unhappiness, say the experts at AskMen. "Women usually cheat when the marriage is not fulfilling and is already in trouble,” says Dr. Berry. “They cheat because they feel neglected, or because the husband has been unfaithful." Other women cheat for more complex reasons, such as a deep fear that their faithful spouse will behave like their own cheating father did. So, the deeply scarred daughter cheats to beat her unsuspecting spouse to the punch – destroying the marriage, and fulfilling her fear that it couldn’t possibly last … since their parents’ marriage hadn’t.


How do you know if your unfaithful spouse will cheat again? “How remorseful the guilty party is will give you a big clue about the future,” advises eHarmony. “If the person expresses real remorse and takes full responsibility for their actions, studies say they are less likely to embark on this destructive behavior again. Be worried about the cheater who makes excuses for their behavior, or isn’t apologetic. The most important thing to remember if your partner strays is that they made a really bad decision – and you didn’t. Instead of blaming yourself for their betrayal, appreciate your worth, know you are enough just as you are, and recognize the infidelity or other betrayal had nothing to do with you and everything to do with their poor choice.”


How can you prevent infidelity? “Making your relationship a consistent priority, valuing your partner, communicating and staying connected are the absolute best ways to give yourselves the best chance against infidelity,” according to eHarmony. “You want to have a high level of compatibility, which means you like the same things and your life goals and your dreams are on the same page. It is not impossible for people who do not have a high level of compatibility to have a good marriage; it just means they have to work a lot harder than a couple who has a high level of compatibility. (By Readers Digest)